hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
