Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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