I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
