I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I would fuck him just for his dog
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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