I could have mohawked her pubes.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
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Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
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Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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