listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
