I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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