i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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