you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
