All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
