I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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