he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
