I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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