I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
