We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
