Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
