omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
