There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
