I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
