Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.