so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together