I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"