Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
