on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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