She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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