he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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