and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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