WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
