Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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