If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Floor bacon is actually really good
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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