I'm gonna have a badass scar
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
