I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
