Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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