Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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