And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
