I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
