I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
