ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I would fuck him just for his dog
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
