saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
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I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
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My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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