There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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