Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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