At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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