dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
