Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
