What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
operation harelip BJ is a go
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
