think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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