saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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