3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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