All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
