They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
