i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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