I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
