Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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