It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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