I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
well you can't waste a boner
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
