She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I need a burrito and a hug.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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