On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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