It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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